Why Making Plans Can Be Detrimental, and Other Life Lessons Learned Abroad…

Now that my time in New Zealand is drawing to a close, I have been taking stock and asking myself what my take-aways are from having lived here for nearly two years. Some things I’ve learned have been somewhat earth-shattering (at least to me) while others have me wondering why I had to move to the ends of the Earth to learn that. All of it, however, has been worthwhile. I’ve discovered that though there’s a laundry list of lessons I could share in answer to this question, I’ve managed to boil it down to three:

–I can plan and plan and it doesn’t matter because my life is going to unfold with or without me.

-I didn’t set out living abroad to “find” my identity but allowed my identity to emerge instead.

-I have the peace that comes from having listened to myself, taken a risk, and through brokenness, I have emerged more whole than I’ve ever been.

All of these are equal in their importance and starting with this post and the two that follow, I expound on all three.

I can plan and plan and it doesn’t matter because my life is going to unfold with or without me.

When I moved to Dunedin from Kaikoura, it was with the hope that I could begin a new program of study at the University of Otago. In meeting and getting to know various academics and giving deep thought to what I wanted to study, I finally decided that I would apply to do a PhD. In the process, I learned much about the ins and outs of applying at this University but mostly, I learned about myself. I put together a proposal that I realized was at the core of what I would love to do a dissertation topic on, a cross-cultural study of women’s gender roles and experiences in Christian fundamentalism. However, the process became quite muddled, eventually leading me away from Otago. After a near five-month application process (three is usually the norm), I finally walked away from the possibility of pursuing my PhD at Otago because I was determined to protect my interests.

I learned, however, that while I was caught up in planning, my life was unfolding with or without me. Now that my path is bringing me home, I can think of other far better ways I might have spent that five months but if it were not for the learning process all of this was, I would not have discovered what my interests were. So while it brought me great angst, it also grew my courage and self-reliance.

Still, I have now learned that being caught up in plans to the detriment of all else means that I am not living a life that is in balance. And above all, if my life is not in balance and that in following my spiritual call I lose sight of what my calling actually is, which is trusting Wisdom to guide me instead of leading the way myself, planning can in fact be detrimental to my future. Letting my life unfold with as little interference from me as possible is my new challenge but I have seen firsthand that I am not really the One in control. I now believe that my life will unfold on a predestined course although not a predetermined one and while determining how my life unfolds is up to me in some matters, it is not up to me in all matters.

Although I truly believed I was called to do the work I wanted to do as a dissertation topic and I believe that one’s spiritual call is the Highest Call one can follow, it does not always mean that though I am called, the time is “right now.” I now believe that my experience in determining my dissertation and my topic and applying to the University in hopes of finding a good home for it was an Abraham experience and that I was being tested to see if I would give my all to follow my call. When I proved that I would, events unfolded that led me to understand the time was not yet right. Frustrating as this was, I came away smarter and stronger. I also learned that when I’ve found a place which resonates for me as home, to put up a parking lot. Kaikoura and the six months I lived there had a profound impact on me and I realized that this was a community I could live in forever. However, I chose to leave and the outcomes were not what I had hoped they would be. While I made strong friendships in Dunedin, I realize now that if I had protected the feeling I had of Kaikoura as home, my outcomes as they are now (feeling thwarted, etc.) might have been much different.

Due to all of this, I came away from these experiences having learned much and with a far more introspective – and cautious – approach to major decisions in my life since, regardless of Self, my life will unfold with or without me. It is simply up to me to determine the direction I shall take and I therefore, should not ignore important signs.

The next post continues with Lesson Two: The Emergent Self…

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