Lesson Two: The Emergent Self

I didn’t set out living abroad to “find” my identity but allowed my identity to emerge instead.

I concur with Reid Hoffman, author of the book The Start-up of You when he says,

“Contrary to what many bestselling authors and motivational gurus would have you believe, there is not a ‘true self’ deep within that you can uncover via introspection and that will point you in the right direction,” Hoffman writes. “Yes, your aspirations shape what you do. But your aspirations are themselves shaped by your actions and experiences. You remake yourself as you grow and the world changes. Your identity doesn’t get found. It emerges.”

My identity has changed several times throughout the course of my life: Apostolic and fundamentalist woman, daughter, and wife; divorcee and now recovering Apostolic; sex kitten; foreigner; intellectual; teacher; and on and on the list goes. Each identity, whether mutually exclusive or concurrent with other identities at the same time, has brought me much to learn from and living abroad in New Zealand has simply been a continuation of this.

I willingly took on the identity of foreigner when I moved here and embraced all that would entail. In doing so, I met amazing people and built life-long friendships with Kiwis and other foreigners alike. I realized new means of expression in language, learning that while we all spoke English, we each had our own brand of it and that while meeting in understanding was humorous and sometimes frustrating by turns, it was always a means of learning about one another’s cultures.

As a foreigner in New Zealand and living in towns on the East Coast bordering the South Pacific, I discovered my love of the ocean and her mystique only grew the more I played in, meditated at, or watched her waves. I also took on the identity of celibate, discovering my ability and choice to live without sex and in doing so, making the most of the spiritual cleansing I had come here for. Celibacy upped the ante on my spiritual awareness and emotional healing, clearing my energy and clarifying the things most important in my life like family, laughter, and being able to support myself emotionally and financially.

In accordance with this last one, I took on the identity of being a teacher without a classroom. My near-three years abroad have been sustained by my employment, mostly through teaching, sometimes in a physical classroom and sometimes teaching online, but always being underpaid for it. This in turn has caused me to live simply and to try and do so within my means and in so doing I’ve found the identity of aesthetic or bohemian, one who doesn’t need material goods to be wealthy but finds beauty and wealth in life’s experiences. I have found that I can pack up and go, changing countries the way most people move between cities and having sold all of my worldly goods, including the house, car, furniture, art, et al, to move abroad, I’ve found how little material things really matter.  I can show up with just the clothing on my back and I will be just fine. In new spiritual experiences, I have found that the energy exchange that takes place when I work with the Earth gives me all I need for contentment. Perhaps, therefore, my ultimate identity is that of spiritual because all of my experiences, roles, and other identities have only grown my spiritual Self, bringing me back to my Center, and finding that when other centers did not hold, mine would.

The next and final post in this series follows this one with Lesson Three: How Risk-Taking Leads to Peace…

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